Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.