She is in my trunk
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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