I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...