This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.