Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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