her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
