we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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