I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
