respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
