why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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