Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
