am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
