I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and she was petting her beer can
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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