p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
