Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
