I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
