Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
