You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
