I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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