I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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