I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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