I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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