Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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