cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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