oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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