Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
