We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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