8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
