Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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