This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
