You're a womanizer and a bitch.
her vagine was all disorganized.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
