great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
