I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
