just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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