I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
