i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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