We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
