if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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