I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
