apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
