apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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