Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
