do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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