she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
