Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
