It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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