on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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