Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
