It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
