if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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