tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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