Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
