Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
