I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
