if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
