I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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