please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize