I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
