I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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