Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
