Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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