I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
