she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
