is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
