i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
