Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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