he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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