I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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