Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
