stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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