gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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