The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
