Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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