Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
