Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
