I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
