peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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