I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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