apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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