do herpes really smell.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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