Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think i have two assholes
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
